“You can’t control others, but only yourself.”
This is a phrase you’ll often encounter in self-help guides.
If you’re in a relationship and there’s something that you don’t like, there’s a huge possibility that it’s a result of your past decisions. You had a choice and making the right choice requires wisdom.
We often sacrifice ourselves just to keep up with the pace of life and to keep things running smoothly. We have so much to deal with– family, work, school, etc. Likewise, this could also hinder us from being our true selves when we’re in public, and it’s where most of our relationships start.
Furthermore, everything done during the course of a relationship was already decided by us, ranging from the person we’re going to date, to when to have sex. The decisions you make have a huge impact on who you are as a person. If done carelessly, time will come and you’ll slowly be disconnected to who you really are.
Here are the tips that could help you prevent that from happening:
1. Be mindful
Have a look at your past relationships and determine where it went wrong. It could be big fights, prioritizing your work over your partner, or whatever moments that had a negative effect on the relationship.
In these events, try to remember how you resolved it. Did it change the relationship for the better or for the worse?
For example: You accidentally got pregnant, and he’s not ready yet. So, you got rid of the baby. Although you and your partner stayed together, you were slowly drifting apart.
Having this kind of recollection is not easy, but you still need to do it.
2. Be aware of your decision patterns
What influenced you to commit those past decisions? Was it shame, fear, or to avoid arguments? Most of our decisions are based on the outcome that we expect to happen.
For example: You’ve decided to get rid of the baby because you don’t want to lose the relationship out of fear. You hoped that it’ll help you get closer, but it turned out to be the opposite.
Try to reach the core of the reasons of your decisions. In this case, it’s fear. See if you’ve been making the same decisions with your past relationships.
3. Swap out your negative traits
As you figure out the mistakes you’ve committed, you’ll be able to change yourself for the better. Most of your decisions were influenced by negative traits, and the only way to prevent them from happening again is by being honest with yourself.
Embrace each of your negative traits, but try to change them into positive ones. If your past decisions were based on the fear of rejection, change them and learn to accept your flaws.
4. Be positive
This could be hard, but try your best to do it. Your negative traits are connected to a positive flip side and you should focus on that.
For instance, you’re afraid of being single and lonely. Change that and be happy with your own company. Practice personal freedom and know that it’s only you who can help yourself. This would slowly direct you into a better love life.
5. Acknowledge yourself
You are the captain of your own ship. Don’t let others tell you what to do.
Likewise, what they think is less important than what you think of yourself. Act the way you want, not the way society tells you. Embrace who you are and do what you do best.
The key is, know who you are, understand yourself, your actions, and your decisions. By doing this, you’ll be able to understand others and will have the ability to connect with them.
It could either be a deeper connection or something that’s more shallow. Whatever it is, this would allow you to figure out which connections are worth keeping and which ones are not.